Do you’ve sometimes feel lonely in your relationship? If you do, then it can be really tough going. It is a difficult feeling to explain to a partner, especially to one you feel ‘isn’t there’ for you or struggles to communicate. How exactly do you explain your loneliness to him?
When you say you feel lonely in your relationship it can be for a variety of reasons, usually you feel unloved or ignored. A lot of the time your partner feels the same and has no clue that you are feeling it too.
Long term relationships go through many ups and downs. Most couples do, and anyone who says they don’t are probably telling you porkies. Every couple have had to face some kind of challenge together at some point.
Feeling lonely in your relationship is something that can be easily rectified. Determination and some joint effort applied to your daily routine and you can enjoy each others company again.
Moving house, a new job, new baby, any loss, or kids leaving home are some of the life changes that can affect your relationship.
Over the years life evolves – nothing ever stays the same. Twists and turns of life often present you with circumstances that can be troublesome. They can leave you feeling a bit isolated especially, if your partner doesn’t appear affected in the same way that you are and you feel unsupported. This is when you may start to feel lonely in your relationship.
What You Can do – A lot of the time your partner is just as stressed out over the situation as you are. Recognise that he is probably feeling anxious too and if he isn’t ask him why. It could be that you are over analysing the change and he is thinking more logical.
As an example – Your eldest child has left home and you feel distraught about it. It could be you don’t agree with their decision to leave or you are finding it hard to cut the apron strings. Your partner isn’t phased by it and you feel he doesn’t care – However, he is looking at in a different way to you. He feels it might be good for your child to gain some independence and it is all part of life. Kids grow up and usually leave home. He has no clue why you are over reacting. This causes friction and resentment.
Calmly discuss it with him and listen to his point of view, he may be able to reassure your anxiety.
Lack of Communication
It could be that you don’t talk like you used to. It is so easy to slip into constant negative conversations or sometimes no conversation at all. You feel like you have just run out of things to say or something may have happened that leaves you unable to find anything nice to say to him. Maybe he cheated on you, or did something that let you down quite badly and you are struggling to forgive him.
Bad communication is the biggest downfall in a relationship, because how can you expect to resolve things if you can’t discuss it.
What You Can Do – You must set aside five or ten minutes everyday to talk to each other. And I mean for both to talk, no ranting, no silence, just talking.
Imagine you are talking to your Mum or best girlfriend – You don’t raise your voice at them when you want to put your point across do you? So don’t do it to your partner. If he struggles to communicate his feelings, by practising this exercise everyday he will slowly start to open up to you.
Loss Of Emotional Connection
Even the very best of relationships go through times when one or both partners drift away. Sometimes it’s a gradual process other times it appears to be overnight.
A strong relationship needs that emotional connection, it is the couples anchor and shouldn’t be ignored. The emotional bond that you share with your partner is at the very foundation of love, trust and respect.
You need to be able to go to your partner with anything, sharing all your emotions, anxieties and simple day to day life with them. It builds a strength between you that would be difficult to destroy. You need to know that your partner always has your back. When that emotional connection is lost you need to work on getting it back.
What You Can Do – Firstly remember you are a team and one of the biggest benefits to being in a relationship is having someone to share everything with.
Work on talking things through. Again improving your communication skills is essential. Always tell each other everything, have no secrets because that leads to one of you feeling ignored and it can quickly escalate to loneliness and and a disconnection.
Lack Of TimeMost people are in the same boat. We are all trying to fit everything in- what with work, kids, family, chores we barely have time to breathe let alone make time for our partner.
Maybe he is always busy with other commitments that you are feeling neglected and unloved? He always seems to put everything and everyone above you. You appear to be last on his list of priorities or maybe you are doing it to your partner?
What You Can Do – Quite Simply make the time. Remember how important time is with your partner. If lack of time is the issue behind your feelings of loneliness then you must tell your partner that you are feeling very alone and you want more time together. Try and plan a date night once or twice a month or even if you just get to watch a tv show together would give you some bonding time.
Lack of Physical TouchThe pressures of life can take its toll on the amount of time you make for cuddles and physical attention. It is an important part of your relationship.
A cuddle provides reassurance and a sense of security, especially during the tough times and if you never receive that then you may start to feel a bit lonely
What You Can Do – Simply make the effort to have a hug everyday to try and bring back the closeness between you. Make it a habit, so it becomes something you naturally do first thing in the morning or after work. Let him know you are excited to see him and hopefully he will become more affectionate towards you.