Are you sick of dating emotionally unavailable men? Or maybe you are struggling to understand why you keep picking men that seem to be a little flaky?
Most of the time your gut would have warned you right at the very beginning about this guy, maybe it was as soon as your first meeting, but you really fancied him and there was just something about him that made you want to Pursue him, so you willfully ignored those red flags.
It is a common scenario and women often go back to the same types of relationships over and over again.
Talking of red flags, recently I saw a status on a friends Facebook that read –
When he’s a red flag, but red is your fave color!’
And I quietly thought to myself ‘Why would you deliberately date someone that every instinct in your body is warning you to avoid?‘ Call me dumb, but it’s a baffler.
I know you think you can change him, but don’t let me sugar coat this for you -He aint ever gonna change girl! Not ever!
Like the Nashville song so sweetly goes –
He’s the restless kind, the kind that you can’t win
But he’ll try his best to make you fall in love with him
And I can’t count the times I’ve been down that road
Can’t tell you why he does what he does but one thing I
He ain’t gonna change, he ain’t gonna change.
And it’s true.
He is emotionally unavailable.
You have an inkling he is emotionally unavailable because:
He Tells You He Is
Hey, there was no beating around the bush here, he told you straight that he isn’t ready for any commitment. If he told you that then, trust he meant it. He is not ready to give up his freedom, and sorry to be blunt but that usually means other women too. You are wasting your time here if you think he will change his mind because this type of guy rarely does. At least he told you, some mislead you and leave you hanging on, waiting around at their convenience.
He Already Has Someone Else
You are not his only bae. He has a girlfriend or maybe even a wife. I can 100% promise you that this ‘thing’ you got going on with him, is going nowhere. Even if by some miracle he leaves his partner for you, it rarely lasts.
He has probably promised you all the ‘sweet nothings’ under the sun, but don’t be fooled – you are worth so much more than that. And what about his poor partner who is sitting at home naively thinking she has the ‘perfect boyfriend’?
It is cruel to her and unbelievably destructive to your self esteem.
You Can’t Read Him
He acts the same whether he is happy, sad, excited or angry. It is like he literally has no emotions and you struggle to read him. At first this made him appear all mysterious, but let me tell you that gets very boring, very quickly. Like Katy Perry says –
you’re hot then you’re cold
You’re yes then you’re no
You’re in then you’re out
You’re up then you’re down
It is no longer mysterious, it is down right annoying and extremely frustrating when he confesses his undying love for you on Wednesday then he disappears for three weeks on Thursday – without a word. Then he will show up again with either no explanation or an excuse that bugs the life out of you because it just doesn’t ring true.
You never know where you stand with him and it will drive you insane!
No Future Plans
He refuses to commit to any future plans. I’m not talking marriage and babies, I mean taking you home to his hometown to meet his mum or best buddies. I’m talking not making plans for Christmas or weekends away. Nothing, zilch! No future arrangements for anything, and that is probably because he doesn’t think he will be sticking around. It is a big red flag!
He always has excuse and he always will.
You know deep down this relationship is going nowhere fast. You deserve better and to be brutally honest he will never be there for you, because it is all about him. He is calling the shots and moulding the relationship to suit him. Chances are he doesn’t even acknowledge that he is even in a relationship at all.
You have that nagging doubt about him anyway, you have had from the start. You are constantly making excuses for him and now it’s time to put a stop to your addiction to him. Acknowledge that nothing will ever change and that you are simply wasting your time.
Best thing to do is move on. List his faults and wake up to the fact that he is selfish, has a lack of regard for your needs and is never there for you.
You will meet someone who is, but not while you are clinging on to false hope with this one.
Stop contact and see if he comes running. If he does then you can talk turkey, but until he shows you a little more commitment then don’t waste your energy.
Don’t wait forever.